


My Thoughts After You

by greenotter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Based off T&S, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 17:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7232296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenotter/pseuds/greenotter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I kind of still have a lot of feels from Twist and Shout and decided to write this. I guess it was supposed to take place a while after Dean left Cas after the war but it kinda turned into later after that. The plot belongs to the owners of Twist and Shout, characters belong to Eric Kripke blah blah blah. :/</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Thoughts After You

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Twist and Shout](https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876) by [gabriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriel/pseuds/gabriel), [standbyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/standbyme/pseuds/standbyme). 



It had been a little over a year. That day I came home to a silent apartment, with your closet bare and a single suitcase missing from the storage room. I remember everything that went through my mind that day; at first I was hysterical. There was no way you could just up and leave, it wasn’t like you. Then again, nothing you did was like you since you came home from the war. I remember going to sleep that night feeling so hollow and bare, as if you took my heart with you. I guess technically you did. I didn’t dream of anything that night, it was all complete darkness, and I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all. In fact, I wasn’t sure if I’d even closed my eyes during the night.

The first month you were gone, I was sad. Almost as if you were dead, I was reminded of you in everything I saw. The front door reminded me of when you would come in with a grin on your face, and we would share a kiss before I fixed dinner. The couch reminded me of what we used to watch after dinner and before bed. Our bedroom was forbidden to me, and I slept on the couch most nights. I remember for so long I would stare at the door, willing you to come in with the missing suitcase and apologize to me. It wouldn’t matter, though. I’d be so happy to see you again, I’d forgive you.

After that first month passed, I thought more about the situation. I became angry with you, and I stayed angry for a long time. My method of coping was to push the sadness away and become bitter and rude. Your brother tried talking to me, but I ignored the phone calls because over the telephone you guys sound so much alike. By that time, my grades in school had dropped below rock bottom, and it didn’t matter to me anyway. I wasn’t focused on graduating college or getting my dream career, I was focused on the door handle; willing it to turn and reveal you.

I don’t remember when I met him, or what stage I was at in my months of grief. I remember forcing my eyes to look at the new carpet I bought, or the new clothes that didn’t have your smell etched into them no matter how much I washed them. I remember each time I didn’t look at something that reminded me of you, I looked at him. He’s not like you. He’s much different, in an odd way. I can’t explain it, but he helped me when all I could think about was your touch on my cheeks or the way you smile at me when you make a joke.

So many odd years went by, and I could feel my being spiral into a pit of ‘oh God I miss you’ and ‘why won’t you come back’ and ‘it’s been so long but I would forgive you just the same if you’d come back so long ago.’ I remember the day I knew something was wrong with me, and by then I’d grown so tired of everything. I was tired of thinking of you and tired of him hiding his sadness when I thought about you. I was tired of standing or walking or breathing; it’s hard to say but I just wanted it all to end.

When I was in the hospital and I met a lovely girl who cared so much about me it was hard to hear her say they were trying their best. When I asked of my conditions, she would rub my shoulder and check the needle in my arm. She’d hand me the remote and on the day I became to weak to press the buttons, you came. I noted to thank my brother for convincing you. You were always so stubborn, and the look on your face when you walked in nearly killed me. Everything inside you broke down to pieces, everything you’d built up from the day you ran out of our apartment was now at my mercy. And all I wanted to do was fix you up again and send you out into the world with your clothes and your suitcase.

The last few weeks you know all about, you remember and you think about all the time. Your brother’s child truly is an angel, and I’m glad to see you get along so well with her. The girl you met while you were gone is lovely, and I’m happy to know that you’re recovering from the last major part of your life. I’m so sorry it had to end this way.


End file.
